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The world is falling apart around me, but all I see is her
She doesn’t see me
Her mind is showing her different things
Her eyes are dim and fogged
Over with images she doesn’t want to see
The pain she feels is real
Real is the fear I feel
Looking into her eyes full of visions
Induced by a dying body
Misfiring synapses, remnants of past sights
A simulacrum of visual forms
The pain in my heart sears
Wanting to hang on to her
And wanting to let her go,
Wanting the pain to end
She doesn’t deserve to suffer like this
And I don’t deserve to sit here
Listening to the delusions of those gathered around
Their talk of visions of angels and going to meet those
Who’ve gone on before
Yes, she sees angels
She also sees angry eyes
And attackers tearing at her clothing
Is that from God too?
You stupid, gullible people
Let me grieve in peace
I have always wanted to write my memoirs, the story of how I got from there to here. Perhaps, I just need to explain it to myself or to those I love. Perhaps, I need to leave a legacy for those who knew me after I’m gone. At any rate, I find that whenever I try to express my deepest feelings and my most profound experiences, I do it through poetry, so here it is, my memoir in poems.
This collection of eighty-one poems is a series of reflections of moments throughout a life lived. Some are joyful, some tragic, but all are heartfelt and real.
“Christina Knowles is a poet who is not afraid of delving into the inner world of symbolism, emotion, and dream imagery. Signs of Life is a revealing journey into the soul, a look at the inner self to which we can all relate.”
Available in paperback and Kindle Edition on Amazon.com
“Stop this day and night with me and you shall possess the origin of all poems.
You shall possess the good of the earth and sun . . . . there are millions of suns left.
You shall no longer take things at second or third hand . . . . nor look through the eyes of the dead . . . . nor feed on the spectres in books.
You shall not look through my eyes either, nor take things from me.
You shall listen to all sides and filter them from yourself.”
“There was never any more inception than there is now,
nor any more youth or age than there is now;
and will never be any more perfection than there is now,
nor any more heaven or hell than there is now.”– “Song of Myself,” Leaves of Grass, Walt Whitman
These are some of the most beautiful words I have ever heard, and they embody my worldview. The beauty of the honest search for truth is the most exquisite gift we can give ourselves. The realization that we do not have to “look through the eyes of the dead” and believe in the myths of old, do not need to listen to the ghosts of ancient men and their antiquated notions, do not need to listen to our conditioning, but we can read, investigate, think, and dialogue all ideas and decide among them for ourselves is true freedom. And my conclusion that this world is all I will ever know, that this is both my heaven and my hell, has given me appreciation for every sweet breath I take, joy in every moment with those I love, and the perspective that allows me to live, really live, taking nothing for granted, and noticing every lovely thing in this beautiful life.—Christina Knowles
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